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Since you are here anyways, here are some thoughts on the world:

I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they’re going to be talking.

Give a man a fish, and he’ll Instagram it; teach a man to fish, and he’ll still Instagram it.

No one ever says, “Boy, that ‘I Have a Dream’ speech could’ve been a lot better if Martin Luther King Jr. had used PowerPoint.”

“Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Waldo, Not Waldo.” —Where’s Waldo audiobook

The closest I’ve been to a diet this year is erasing food searches from my browser history.

Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.